


pleasing

by chtkwn (mooshu)



Category: VIXX
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, body issues, chubby!leo, leo centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-25 20:34:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13842519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooshu/pseuds/chtkwn
Summary: Taekwoon stares at his topless body in the mirror, frowning at what he sees. He's put on weight.





	pleasing

Taekwoon stares at his topless body in the mirror, frowning at what he sees. He's put on weight. There's a soft pudginess to his stomach that he really hasn't noticed until now, just a tiny bit of tummy overhangs his jeans. He pokes at it a little bit - it really isn't a big deal, he thinks. He's had no schedules, they've had very little practices lately, some small weight gain isn't anything abnormal.

Taekwoon slides on a t-shirt. It's very snug, a little uncomfortable, certainly a bit tighter than what he remembers it being. He looks at it in the mirror. He doesn't like how tight it looks on him, how much it clings to his body. It makes the pudge seem a lot more obvious.

And now that Taekwoon's looking again.. has his face gotten rounder? It seems fuller. He squishes his cheeks between his fingers; they definitely feel fattier than they used to. He can't believe it's took him so long to realize this, and it makes him feel gross. He wonders if anyone else has noticed.

Taekwoon ditches the t-shirt and chooses an oversized sweatshirt instead. It hides his new chubbiness, and he feels a lot better. All he has to do is lay off sweets and the instant ramen he's been eating, it shouldn't be too hard.

He still decides to skip lunch today, though.

 

Jaehwan visits his family, and brings back an entire tray of chocolate chip cookies his mother had baked for them. Taekwoon tells himself only one but he ends up finishing off three (or maybe it was four?) in one sitting. Milk dunking included. Jaehwan's mom is a dangerously good baker.

"Wow, hyung, save some for us!" Hongbin teases as he grabs a few of his own. Usually Taekwoon wouldn't even blink at his snarky comments but this time there's a heavy feeling in his chest, and he's filled with guilt for eating so many.

He thinks he'll skip dinner tonight.

 

They're all in the practice room. There's a music festival they're performing at next week, so they're going through a few songs and doing some early rehearsing. The cooling system for the building is under maintenance. It's so hot Taekwoon thinks he's dying.

Wonshik pulls off his shirt as soon as the first song's over. His body is nice. He's a gym rat these days, spending more time working out than in his studio even. Taekwoon stares, trying to be subtle, because he's aware of how different he and Wonshik looks now. Wonshik seems to have no extra chub anywhere, just all abs and muscle. _Gorgeous_ abs and muscle.

One by one the others follow, stripping their shirts off once the heat gets too overwhelming them. Besides Taekwoon, who feels like putting on _more_ layers as he takes in everyone. Even Jaehwan is slimmer than him now. He wraps his arms around his middle to hide himself, retreats into a corner and tries not to beat himself up too hard.

Wonshik passes a water bottle to him. "Are you hot?" he pants from the hard rehearsing, nodding towards the shirt that Taekwoon still wears. It's drenched with sweat.

"I'm fine," Taekwoon mumbles.

He stays and practices an extra hour to burn off more calories.

 

It's been a while since they've done this. Hakyeon and him together, in Hakyeon's bedroom that smells sweetly of the candles he makes. They're in bed, all of the kids are out and it's quiet except for their heavy breaths and the occasional whimper from Taekwoon.

He's needy, and Hakyeon knows that. He gives Taekwoon hard kisses along his jaw, on his neck, nibbling just where Taekwoon likes it. He thrusts his hips slightly against Hakyeon, hurrying him up. He's ready to move along soon.

Then Hakyeon sneaks a hand underneath his shirt. He presses against Taekwoon's tummy, and he can feel it. He feels how Hakyeon's hand sinks ever so slightly into his pudge. He's squishy, and he hates it.

"Stop." Taekwoon pushes Hakyeon away, off of him, gently. His touch retreats and Taekwoon swears the skin on his stomach burns where Hakyeon's hand had been. He hugs his middle again, feeling small and humiliated. His eyes burn with tears. How pathetic is it of him to be _crying_?

Hakyeon is alarmed. "Taekwoon? Did I hurt you or something?" he asks, reaching a hand out to him but Taekwoon jerks away from it.

"No," his voice shakes. "I h-have to go."

Taekwoon hurries out without looking back once. He feels bad for leaving Hakyeon like that, because without a doubt he'll blame himself for something he didn't do, but Taekwoon needs to be alone.

He doesn't eat dinner that night.

 

Taekwoon feels ravenous in the morning.

He has three bowls of cereal for breakfast, using up all the milk (and pissing Sanghyuk off for doing so). He goes out for lunch alone at some bbq place, and eats enough for two people.

For dinner he cooks pasta. He eats half the pan before even letting anyone else know it iss done. He's full afterwards, but emotionally empty. He feels guilty for eating and gaining weight, so his solution is to eat his feelings away. What kind of fucked up logic is that?

Taekwoon dumps the rest of the pasta in the trash and orders chicken for the kids instead. There's not enough left for the five of them to eat, and he'd rather throw it out than to be humiliated for eating half of it.

 

Is his stomach chubbier? Are his cheeks rounder? Taekwoon asks himself these as he stares into the mirror. He's been eating somewhat normally, unlike that binge day he had last week. He looks and feels gross, but it's hard to tell if he's put on anymore. He's afraid to step on the scale to check.

Unexpectedly, his bedroom door opens. He must have forgotten to lock it as he usually does whenever he's checking himself out in the mirror. It's Hakyeon, and he seems completely unfazed by topless Taekwoon. "Taekwoon, have you seen my earbuds?" he asks.

Taekwoon is a deer in headlights, frozen. He can't even bring himself to cover his body, he just stands and stares at Hakyeon, who gives him a perplexed look. He snaps his fingers of front of Taekwoon face, breaking him from his trance just enough for him to shake his head.

"Okay," Hakyeon answers, but instead of leaving he sits onto Taekwoon bed, patting the space next to him. "Let's talk. You've been acting weird, even weirder  
than your usual self."

Taekwoon obeys, sitting down next to Hakyeon. He doesn't want to have this conversation because he's afraid. He's afraid that Hakyeon will think him and his chubbiness is disgusting and pathetic. He's afraid of being humiliated. Yet he also needs this talk, because it's been so much to keep to himself. He needs to let it out before it goes too far.

"So what's up?" Hakyeon asks gently.

Taekwoon sighs, swallowing back the lump in his throat. "Look at me," he gestures towards his body.

Hakyeon examines him, looking for whatever it is that's wrong. Taekwoon feels sick and uncomfortable under his gaze. He hasn't seen him like this since before the pudge came along. "Look at what?" Hakyeon finally asks, a frown on his face.

Taekwoon gestures again. "I gained weight," he whispers.

"Oh!" Hakyeon smiles softly. "I noticed! You look healthy."

" _Healthy?_ " Of all the words Taekwoon was expecting, healthy was not one of them.

Hakyeon nods, seemingly confused at Taekwoon's surprise. "You were so skinny while you were doing that musical, I'm glad you have some weight on you now."

"You don't think that I'm.. gross?"

"Taekwoon." Hakyeon slides closer to him and throws a comforting arm around his shoulders. "Is that what you were worrying about? Me finding you gross?"

"Not just you," Taekwoon mumbles. "Everyone."

Hakyeon shakes his head. "They do not think that of you, Taekwoon. I'm sure they're just as happy to see you like this as I am. Aren't you relieved whenever you see Wonshik eat something other than an egg for that diet he's on? Or when Hongbin eats breakfast for once instead of skipping it?"

"Well, yes - "

"It's the same for you."

Taekwoon nods. "Yes, but, I have _pudge_. I'm _squishy_."

"Mmm, I noticed," Hakyeon says again. "In bed that night you ran out. I thought it was so cute how soft your stomach is now."

"Really?"

"Yes." With that, Hakyeon lays him back onto the bed. Taekwoon feels vulnerable all laid out like this, but he fights the urge to cover up. Hakyeon presses a kiss right onto his belly button, then a few more into the soft flesh of stomach. "So adorable," he says. "It fits you."

Taekwoon scoffs at that, but still greatly appreciates his words. Hakyeon continues to kiss his pudginess, and admittedly it feels so nice for it to be treated like this. The kisses spreads warmth throughout his entire body and tickle just slightly. He actually feels disappointed once Hakyeon pulls away.

He reaches out to squish one of Taekwoon's cheeks though. "And your cheeks are even more pinchable than usual."

Taekwoon swats his hand away. "Stop that," he whines, but he's laughing along.

 

Taekwoon doesn't hate being pudgy.

He hasn't came to _love_ it either, but not hating it is good progress. He no longer feels gross as he looks into the mirror. He doesn't try to cover himself up. He doesn't try to restrict his eating either, besides having a few healthier foods.

He walks through the dorm one day with no shirt, taking baby steps in being 100% comfortable with himself again. Sanghyuk pinches his cheek. "Look at this chub," he teases, then laughs. "It's good to see you gained weight."

Jaehwan glances up from the television he's watching, looking over Taekwoon. "Ohh, good job, hyung!"

Hakyeon gives Taekwoon a thumb up. "I told you," he mouths. Taekwoon beams at him.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for the abrupt ending but i spent 3 hours writing this on my phone im tired!!
> 
> shoutout to [this fanart](https://tkwn.tumblr.com/post/168398986138/the-most-self-indulgent-thing-ive-drawn-the) i saw a while ago that gave me the idea to write some kind of pudgy taekwoon fic :^)
> 
> let me know if you liked it!!!


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